Social Faux Pas

As I sit here with my plate of watermelon on the side and flipping through the latest edition of Marie Claire, I begin to wonder, why am I eating watermelon cross legged on the couch, laptop on 'lap' and fingers sliding through the glossy papers? Why am I watching the TV when theres a still image of a game of poker on pause? Why do I zone out all of a sudden listening to my brothers song of the week put on loop 24hrs a day? Why do I feel like a failure for a second in a day and that just ruins my whole mood of aspiration for a couple of weeks? Why do I force myself to act sentimental in situations where I couldn't care less? Why do I get sensitive at the most unsignificant things? Why do I choke up all my pent up emotions and then when they finally explode I feel like suffocating in my gasps for air? Why oh why do the people you want don't think of you and the ones who are trying to be your shadow you'd rather see stuck in a mouse trap. Why do I like to calculate things and don't up doing them, and waste the time I'm supposed to be actually doing them by calculating even more? Why do I always tell myself, I could've done that, and don't actually do it? Why do I have a million ideas and can't focus on one and work 101% at realizing? Why is it when I go to shop I focus on what looks good but forget what looks good on me? Why do I have a messy nest for a room, but when left alone for a day I transform into ms. organized? Why do I think, and have great thoughts but forget to write them down? Why do I have short-term memory, can't I focus or I chose not to? Why do I like to be visually stimulated? Why do I believe in the beauty of the ordinary except I want to be extraordinary? Why do I censor things I say just because I want to avoid any confrontations? Why does my mind wander on its own sometimes and I have to pull it back into reality? Why do my dreams involve things so random, I should document them and publish them? Why did I dream my bag was stolen and was worried about the european notes I always forgot to exchange? Why do I get a sensation of driving 1,000mph but really am sitting still? Why do I feel my eyes awkwardly blink sometimes but I notice there's something in the lights not my eyes? Why do I love to ask questions but expect no answers? Why am I always quiet but have a fiery personality? Why am I disappointed from people all the time but fail to realize we're all human? Why are things so easy to say but hard to do? and finally, why am I craving more watermelon when I'm feeling bloated already?